BY BELINDA BREMNER
Well my dears, a very happy Valentine’s Day to one and all. I hope
Dan Cupid’s darts were all well aimed.
Now who in their right mind, gasp you, would do such a thing as pad their resume? No one, I rejoin, no one in their right mind.
Okay, you’ve heard all of this before. But yet, like crabgrass or lice, this pesky problem keeps cropping up. A report here, a notice there, a confirmed spotting somewhere else and suddenly the need to remind one and all–"Don’t do it, eejit!" Look, I’m presuming (but then I only recently gave up on the Easter Bunny) that none of our faithful readers would commit such an egregious violation of the Good Actor Sqaudron Honor Code. But you might know someone contemplating it. Warn them that they do it at their own peril. They will be found out and the whirlygig of time and pissed off casting directors will bring in their revenges.
I am not talking about shaving a pound or two off your weight or standing metaphorically on your tippy toes when listing your height. I’m talking about saying you studied with folks you didn’t, that scenes you did in class were actual productions, that school shows were professional, or that you were in plays you just plain weren’t. A resume is a record of things you have accomplished, not a game plan or wish list.
Last fall, while at a conference, I saw an example of creative writing passing as a resume for a former actress from Chicago (or do I mean an actress formerly of Chicago) who now resides in Los Angeles. She happened to be serving as a guest speaker. She listed credits that ranged from the spurious to the questionable and included several barefaced whoppers. She listed plays done–while a student in the very late-80s—at the Theatre School at DePaul (formerly the Goodman School of Drama) as having been mainstage Goodman productions. Needless to say, she starred in all. She listed scenes and showcases as full productions produced by theatres such as Victory Gardens, which held the classes or rented out the studio. And this from someone advising young actors! At the reception, I asked her some polite but pointed questions to clarify what might have been a misreading on my part. All, she said, was what she purported, despite the fact that I proffered the dates of the departure of students from the Goodman mainstage (and these were NOT kiddie shows) and a distinct memory of the true nature and casting of the other shows. The immortal words of Allen Ball were never truer: "You are so busted."
Closer to home, it seems some pretending to be actors think they need to pad their resumes with credits from internationally famous local improvisational groups (I name no names). Why on earth! This is a tiny, microscopic town. Somebody who was there, or knows the people, or sleeps with the people who are there is going to see that resume and know it for the tissue of lies it is. I can only assume that the agents sending out such actors don’t know that they are representing liars and cheats. Knowing of course that any agent, past or present, is nothing but reverent, loyal, thrifty, brave, clean. I cannot imagine an agent worth his or her salt risking the wrath of a casting director if such a charade were uncovered.
So don’t lie about anything. Okay, yes, about your lover’s/roommate’s performance or if your lover/roommate looks fat in those pants. Otherwise, don’t! It’s just your reputation at stake.
And speaking of distortions of the truth, how’s this one: "Actors’ wallets have never been heavier." Huh? It’s just as false and self-serving. Who said it? Valerie Harper! Yup. The one who’s unhappy over not winning the SAG election and is hijacking it and making us do it all over again wasting our $200K. I said it before and I will say it again, I am for our duly elected president Melissa Gilbert and Aquino and Kilner. To those who have not sold their voting rights for a mess of FiCor pottage, ballots are going out Feb. 11 and must be back in LA by 8 a.m. on March 8. If you have not received your ballot by Friday, Feb. 15th, call Toni Simanovich at SAG (323/549-6777) or email her at tsimanovich@sag.org and request one. Please vote.
So what’s shaking locally? Not a whole bunch on the film front. The Illinois Film Office reports some action, some nibblage, some deal making in Los Angeles but nothing beyond that already reported. Let’s hope. And pray. Not yet time for red blooded sacrifices just yet.
Claire Simon is conducting searches for the new Fat Albert movie and for the boy in Terminator III. She is also awash in pilots (and see if you can detect a theme or two). They include: "Miss Miami," "Miss American Pie," "Arthur," "Boomtown," "Good Morning Miami," "St. George Island" and "King Pin." They also cast spots for Biggs Groceries, Bass Ale and Reebok. AND they cast the new "Twilight Zone" for radio. Booked were: Rich Komenich, Doug James, Adam Tanguay, Michael Aljadoff, Peggy Roeder, Linda Reiter, Turk Muller and Tony Castillo.
Chicago Casting Company cast Ryan Kitley and Dana Green as Brick and Maggie in Meadowbrook’s production of A Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. They have recently finished one project for Ebel and are starting another, this one an untitled DDB spot.
Jaz Casting booked Craig Derrick, Millicent Hurley, Mary Lou Alhenius, Hollis McCarthy, Frederick Garcia, Lacy Coil, Jennifer Perry, Bernard Mixon, Tony Verville, Verna Pangan and Maxine Weintraub.
And Tenner Paskal cast about a dozen spots as well as casting for the new updated version of Treasure Island from Castle Rock and an indy called Jeff Farnsworth.
And lots of commercial bookings for Lily’s clients. They include: Alex Boustany, Randall Lee, Anna Sandri, Carmela Olarte, Jennifer Sumerak, Connie Fairbanks, Stacy Parker, Gene Witt, Tenner Hemphill, Max Padula, Nick Theodore, Eric Jenkins, Jr.. Ken Southern, Dalila Torres, Brandon Hickey, Matthew Sandri, Benjamin Zarbock, Lori Galandak, Toyiah Marquis, Sherrice Eaglin, Tumer Simmons, Darren Lester, Cheryl Padula, Jim Goss, Taylor Boundras, and Johnny Knight. Industrials went to Tenner Hemphill, Monika Simmons, Alan E. Ferguson, David Johnson, Sandee Greene, Dawn Desjardins, Katie Nahnsen, CJ Lee, Mike Shreeman and Verna Pangan. And Shannon Rice, Elizabeth Arceneaux and Stacy Parker booked voiceovers.
Peace.