BY CARRIE L. KAUFMAN
Like a chorus of Magi, they came bearing gifts to honor the new Christ
child in our midst. It wasn’t a barn to which they were making pilgrimage,
but a swanky hotel with well-put hors d’oeuvres and a martini bar
altar-like in the middle of the lobby. The Lord, for his part looking
more like a young college professor than a savior, was busy chasing his
child around. Both looked like they had gotten off the elevator at the
wrong floor.
Everyone wanted to meet Michael Phillips, the Tribune’s new theatre critic, at the League’s soiree last Monday night, Dec. 7. Yet few of them would actually go up and shake his hand. Those who did were trepidatious, as if he were a muscled rock star in sequins rather than a tall, bearded guy in well-worn blazer and corduroys. Even other critics kept craning their necks, trying to get a glimpse of "him," while simultaneously making cracks about the sycophantic nature of the evening.
Not that it wasn’t a good thing to have a welcoming party. And not that the food wasn’t tasty. Hell, I’d hire Ann Fink to plan an event any day. But the whole evening had the feel of the condemned coming to meet their executioner, unsure if it would help or hurt their causes to beg to be spared. Phillips, for his part, seemed always to have somewhere urgent to go just when people approached.
It was the usual opening night crowd, including critics who duck out early, as Richard Christensen, whom Phillips is succeeding, did before the very long speeches by League president Diane Claussen and executive director Marj Halperin detailing League business and the very short, embarrassed speech by Phillips saying he was glad to be here.
One wonders if he was glad to get the "gifts" the League encouraged its member theatres to bring for the new critic. They had to be under $25, so that was somewhat limiting, though one doubts the dollar restrictions stopped Charlie Newell from inviting the new guy to lunch. Many people were appalled at the idea of "bribing" a critic. Halperin simply saw it as an opportunity for Phillips to enhance his wardrobe with theatre t-shirts and hats, while, as a bi-product, doing a little promotion for the theatre companies he is going to cover.
This is just a first impression, but he doesn’t look like a t-shirt and hat wearing guy.
The gift thing has made us at PerformInk think, though, about ways the press can be bribed. Hell, we here are all artists and journalists, which means we don’t have much in the way of funds or clothes. Or anything else. We already get tickets to shows, so that’s off the table. Lunch is always good. Rob’s a sandwich guy. Take him to a Jewish deli and he’ll be quite happy. Jen likes spicy foods, but she still probably won’t give you a deal on the ad. She’s tough. Mechelle doesn’t always like to talk to people, so lunch might not be the best way to influence her. I’m still trying to figure out what is. Me? Hell, I’ll eat anything as long as the conversation’s good. Hint: I love talking about kids.
OK, now let’s go to "gifts we wanted for Christmas/Chanukah but our subtle hints dropped in the midsts of conversations went unheeded." That’s easy. I let my parents get me yet one more set of Fiestaware before I had the temerity to think that maybe a DVD player would be cool. Our VCR doesn’t even record anymore. Oh, well, at least I have something to eat on. Then again, I can always use a practice putting green. My staff supposedly got me one, but had it delivered to the wrong address. (Would the person at 3223 N. Seminary please return my putting green!) Rob got his DVD player. Now he just wants some John Cassavetes movies on cd. Jen wants laser vision, super strength or a puppy. Whatever you can manage. Mechelle refuses to share her gift list.
Suffice it to say that you can give us anything. We can’t promise that we’ll write about your theatre company, but we’ll take the gifts anyway. Hell, anything would beat the dead rose Darrell Maximilian Robinson sent us.
As for Michael Phillips, there is one sure way to win him over: Do outstanding work. Theatre is, after all, a kind of religion for those who practice it. Phillips has chosen to be a devoted worshipper.
Note: PerformInk will be conducting a live interview with Phillips on Jan. 28 at Bailiwick.